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Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Random Fifth Batch Hot Candy Girls

A couple, both well into their senior years, goes to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asks them, “What can I do for you?” The elderly man answers, “Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?” The doctor raises his eyebrows, amazed to see such an elderly couple asking for sexual advice, but he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, “There is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.” He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them P1,000 in doctor’s fees and says goodbye.

This happens a few more times. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problem, pays the doctor and leaves. The therapist, after three months of the same routine, finally asks: “I'm sorry, but I have to ask, just what are you trying to find out?” The man replied, “We're not trying to find out anything. She's married, so we can't do it in her house. I'm married so we can't do it in my house. Sogo charges P2,000, and Victoria Court P4,000. Plus we need insurance in case one of us keels over.”

Random Fourth Batch Hot Candy Girls

A man tells his doctor that his wife hasn’t had sex with him for the past seven months. The physician tells the man to bring his wife in so he could talk to her.

When the wife comes to his office, the doctor asks her why she didn't want to have sex with her husband anymore.

“For the last seven months,” the wife replied, “I take the bus to catch a cab to work. I don't make much money and my husband doesn't give me any more than the bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, ‘Are you going to pay today or what?’" “And?” the doctor pries. The wife confesses: “Well, I always give him an ‘or what’ and that makes me late for work.”

“When I get to the office my boss asks me, ‘So, are we going to dock your salary or what?’ That's another ‘or what’ that I give him in exchange. On the way home, I take the cab and again I don't have any money so the cab driver asks me, ‘So are you going to pay this time or what?’ And again, I do an ‘or what.’ So you see, doctor, when I get home, I'm all tired and I don't want sex anymore.”

The doctor thinks for a while. “So,” he says to the wife, “are we going to tell your husband or what?”

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Random Third Batch Hot Candy Girls

A husband and wife get in a car accident. The husband is okay, save for some scrapes and bruises, but the wife falls into a coma. For weeks the husband sits by her side in the hospital. One night, he starts getting sexual urges. So he very carefully runs his hand slowly up her thigh, but pulls back when he notices the beeping heart monitor pick up pace.

The next day he takes the doctor aside and tells him. "Interesting," the doctor says, "She's responding. Maybe try more tonight? Maybe a bit of oral sex?" The husband thinks it's a little wrong, but agrees to try it. That night, a Code Blue rings out in the halls. Nurses rush in to revive the flatlining wife. The husband stands outside, stunned, when the doctor pulls him aside and asks, "What happened? Did you try the oral sex?" "Yes," says the husband, blankly. "Well, what happened?" the doctor asks. The husband answers, "Well, she just started choking."

FHM Cover Girl January 2013 Marian Rivera

The question everyone is itching to ask: Why only now?
Why? You told me that this would be a special issue because it will be your anniversary. You also said that it would be different, mas maraming concepts sa loob, mas makabuluhan at pinaghandaang mabuti. I admit, it took me a long time to say yes to FHM pero this time kasi nag-swak na ang gusto kong mangyari sa gusto niyong mangyari so everything fell into place. I guess it’s a sign na worth it yung paghihintay nang matagal dahil sobrang ganda nung konsepto and it’s also what I wanted.

It’s not like you weren’t ready for this. Still, for the last five years when we were courting you it seemed like you weren’t.
Hindi naman sa hindi ready. There are just things you don’t take for granted, kailangan pinag-iisipan mo rin yung mga gagawin mo and what its effect would be to the people who’ll be seeing it. In fairness naman sa FHM you showed exactly how this shoot would turn out, you were honest and you gave me everything I wanted, so walang dahilan para tanggihan ko ang pagko-cover.

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